Be “GLAD for Feedback” Formula

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A few years ago, I was called into “the boss’ office” hours after a meeting. I felt “that cringe”! My inner voice became wild: “Oh no, what did I do? Was it that meeting? I know I’m not going to get fired but ugh! I don’t know. Did I hurt or let down my team in some way?…” I had a big lump in my throat that I couldn’t swallow. All the time my mind was racing, I kept a smile on my face and continued to serve the clients in front of me until it was time to go to meet with my supervisors. How many of you have felt like this?

I trusted my supervisors had my best interests at heart. I wasn’t afraid of them, yet I found myself shaking. When they gave me the feedback, my inner voice raced again, “Did I really do that? How could I? That wasn’t my intention. It was supposed to be inspiring and uplifting, not this. OK, slow down! What happened?” Then I spoke, “I’m so sorry, that was not my intention.” My supervisors knew that about me.

Afterwards, I thought about the information I had just received and decided there was some validity to it since all three of my supervisors felt the same way. I learned something about myself and identified ways I can prevent it from happening again.

Why is it so difficult for us to receive feedback? It could be because the person giving the feedback is ineffective at providing it. In my story, this certainly wasn’t the case. I’m going to jump out on a limb and make a bold statement. We actually do NOT have difficulty receiving feedback MOST of the time. We receive feedback from a multitude of sources. Our body tells us we are cold; we shiver. Our taste buds tell us that food was delicious. We try a new soil mixture in our garden, the plants grow or they don’t. We stay out in the sun too long, we get burned. And so on…

Feedback becomes difficult when we let our thinking get in the way and this is usually due to past experiences. The cycle of negative thinking begins…I dislike what I did…I feel useless…others think I’m incompetent…I’m not any good at my job (or whatever)…I could get fired…I dislike feedback because I feel so bad afterwards…you know what your inner voice does…STOP!

What is feedback? It is data. We have the power to choose what to do with it. How can we disconnect the feelings we attach to it? In my story, did you catch when I stopped my pattern? What did I do? I said to myself “Slow down! What happened?” and stopped thinking in the future and past tense. I got out of my emotional head and accepted the feedback as information in the present moment. Then I decided what to do with it.

Here are some tips to remember when receiving feedback. I call it my “Be GLAD for Feedback Formula”.

  1. Grasp the present. Slow down and stop your pattern of racing thoughts.
  2. Look for the facts. Stick with facts to help let go of your emotion. Ask yourself “What happened?”, “Where is this person coming from?” or “What’s important?”
  3. Accept feedback as information. What the other person is sharing is information experienced through their personal filters. Whether it is delivered in an effective way or not, you may want to learn something from it, or not. Ask “What are my options of what to do with this information?” or “What is the lesson I may want/need to learn here?”
  4. Decide what to do with the information. You have a choice, consider your options and ask “What is going to make a difference for me in how I want to show up?”

With the GLAD Formula, receiving feedback becomes easier with practice. I have also found it helpful for processing feedback when it comes from a not-so-effective source.

What difference could using the GLAD Formula make in your life?

By Adonica Sweet, PCC, CEC

Coaching Can Awaken the Walking Dead

You may have heard of the walking dead. No, I do not mean the current TV series. I mean the kind of person that doesn’t really live life. They are kind of a zombie, just going through the motions daily. Are you one? I wasn’t exactly a zombie but I was going through the motions, thinking I had direction but not really moving forward. OK, so maybe I was a bit of a zombie. Coaching took whatever zombie I had in me right out of the picture. Do you want to get rid of the zombie in you?

When I started being coached years ago, I believed my life could change. What I didn’t know, was just how much. With the benefits of coaching, I have clearer direction, self-confidence, and know myself better. I am in less conflict with my values and am able to make decisions easier because I know what I want in life. I can finally get off the fence and take a stance.

How many of you find yourself sitting on the fence when you are asked to make a decision? How many of you find that you are going through life feeling stuck in a rut?
Or worse, how many of you are feeling completely lost and are just going through the motions?

In the past, when someone asked me “what is coaching?” and I gave them my definition, they often walked away with more of a confused look on their face than when they came to me. Or they have the “that’s nice” kind of look on their face that they are politely trying to hide.

So here’s my definition: Coaching is a co-created trusting relationship where the skilled use of language and attentive listening help others create their personal, business or organizational vision, outline their action steps to making it happen and then support them as they take those steps. It includes encouragement, commitment, and a presence that facilitates reflection and forward movement. It is a catalyst for change and transformation.

STOP! Notice the look on your face. Which look is it?

Just had a little a-ha moment (these are huge in coaching): From now on, I am going to take a coach approach to that and ask, “What does it mean to you?” and build from there.

Defining coaching has been a challenge for many coaches including seasoned coaches. If you have not experienced coaching with a skilled coach, it will be virtually impossible to understand it.
• It’s kind of like counselling, but not.
• It’s kind of like mentoring, but not.
• It’s kind of like facilitating, but not.
• It’s kind of like consulting, but not.
• It’s not even a combination of all of them.

Coaching is for people who are seeking change in some element of their life (zombies included). What changes are you seeking? How are you living life to the fullest? What’s your next step to living the life of your dreams?

I request you give yourself the gift of coaching. Find a coach that is a fit for you; many coaches offer a complimentary coaching session to “try on” their style. Do you accept or decline this request? Maybe you’ll change it up and research more about coaching before you jump in with both feet?

Whatever you choose, know that I am here and ready to offer you a complimentary coaching session. Let me coach you through to living fully again. I have the heart to accept you as you are and the backbone to empower you when you need it. Email me at adonica at SundialCoaching.com; phone or text me at 250-490-5590.

July 7, 2013 – Ask for What You Need

Welcome to Sundial Coaching’s first blog.

I needed a website… Since this is a new business, I am on a showstring budget. I contacted a few resources in order to have my website done for me and I received quotes out of my budget range and timeframes that did not suit my needs. Then a couple of coach colleagues of mine informed me about WordPress and how easy they find it to create their own website and blog. A quick “How to…” search on Google and this is what I created. This is a basic website and I will update it when I feel it is appropriate. I am not a webpage designer, nor will I ever claim to be. I coach people, that’s what I do. Creating my first WordPress website has been a fun project so far. I have a long way to go before it is complete. I have my colleagues Natasha and Jessica to thank for their insight and encouragement. I hope you enjoy my website and all I have to offer.

I invite you to share a story of when you started something new.